For the children’s sake: We have met the enemy and it is us

 By Karl Dewazien (Director of Coaching-CYSANorth)

As we embark upon a fresh new soccer season, we should take a moment to reflect on what youth soccer is all about and what part we each play in that program.

Youth soccer exists for the children. To be sure, adults play an important role in the program. Without the help of our adult volunteers, the program would not and could not exist. We must, however, concern ourselves with problems created by the egos, issues and attitudes that some of our volunteers bring to the program.

Parents take pride in their children’s achievements. Coaches take pride in the success of their teams and their players. Referees take pride in a game well managed. Administrators take pride in a program well run. Some of us feel great levels of satisfaction from the fact that we are helping children develop. These are natural reactions for our volunteers to have. They are, in their own right, just as appropriate and just as important as the pride the players take in learning a new skill or in playing well against a strong opponent.

These positive reactions support the program and motivate both players and volunteers to participate and remain involved in the program.

Unfortunately, all the reactions and all the motivations involved in our program no not have a positive basis. All too often we see parents and coaches living vicariously through the achievements of their children or players. All too often we see the ego issues of the volunteers negatively impact the children. I believe strongly in the benefits of competition. But, what positive lessons do we teach our children when we adopt a "win at all costs" approach to the game? What benefits do the children derive from parents fighting with coaches about the position that Sam or Suzy plays or whether they are better players than Jim and Janet who got a few extra minutes of playing time?

Even more unfortunately, we have had a rash of administrative issues at the club and league level which have impacted the children negatively. Personnel decisions (Who will coach a particular team?) have become crusades in some leagues. Factions have formed and warred with each other looking for any possible edge to take the other side down. Do any of us truly believe that this fighting offers advantage to the children. Do any of us truly believe that this bickering has anything to do with helping the children?

In far too many instances we have allowed the children to become pawns in an adult's nightmarish chess game. I am not naive enough to believe that anyone can wave a magic wand and make these issues disappear. I am concerned enough about the situation to take the time to write about it in this column. I am distressed enough by what I have seen to ask each of you to join me in a quest for what I hope will be found more readily than the Holy Grail: a program which, both in theory and in fact, protects our youth, insulates them from the problems associated with the adult ego issues and offers them a healthy outlet for their incredible energy.

The adult egos will remain involved in the program. The disputes will continue to exist and the problems that adults have in dealing with each other will not simply go away. We must not, however, allow the children to be used as pawns in this adult game. We must prioritize the protection and well being of the children and recognize the fact that if children are nothing else, they are observant. They see adult conduct and model their behavior after it. Let's give them a positive example to follow.

The life lessons that the players should learn from our program include the importance of each generation of adults helping the next generation form and develop; not the mechanics of using children as leverage to satisfy some adult ego issue. The program exists for the children. We must not take it away from them or allow others to take it away from them. We must ensure that whatever problems and issues we have as adults, the children do not suffer because of them, on or off of the field. Please join me in this quest - for the sake of the children.